3 weeks ago tomorrow

…. I gave birth to our beautiful daughter and with the same breath, I had to say goodbye. Miss you Marlowe ! xx

I woke up this morning in tears as usual. Each morning is a cruel reminder that I am not able to nurse or hold my little girl.

I have this insane need to mother Loey, but don’t know how.

I am a creature that loves to create and serve, hence my many years of teaching children and yoga — but I have this feeling of unworthiness without my daughter — lost with no real purpose or need to create and who do I serve now….. it’s a mind F*ck.

So, here I am writing, here I am sharing, and I here am as I remember Loey’s legacy as her mom.

If you haven’t noticed already …. I have changed this writing platform from a — I’m in love with yoga and with life and all that inspiring SH*T to a purely raw platform for me to share my emotional ride, as we mourn our daughter’s death, as we learn more about others who have experienced the same, as we learn about ourselves, and as we find our new normal — whatever the F that means. Maybe this will help others …. some my unfollow, which is cool — this might not be your jam. I get it! And, others might find comfort that they are not alone in their thoughts.

I have no idea where this journey will take me, and to be honest — I have no idea if I will feel anything again. But, at this moment it feels right to share, it feels right to type, and it’s bringing me closer to my daughter.

If you have lost your baby in miscarriage, stillborn or infant death- my heart breaks for you, but know we are not alone and hopefully one day we will feel again.

Hugs,

J x