I’M TRIGGERED

BY CHRISSY TEIGEN’S COMEBACK TO SOCIAL MEDIA

When Chrissy shared her story of her stillbirth I felt this sister like connection.

GIRL, I hear you! I know that pain!

There was this connected energy around our pain, our loss and the sadness that comes when you realize that you will not be holding your baby and watching them grow.

And then she gets back to her normal life and I was like WAIT A HOT SEC.

Didn’t your son just die? How are you baking cookies, going on car rides with the top down and laughing with her husband? Oh wait, you have a cook, a nanny and of course a team to support you in doing LIFE.

Wait — you have people over at your house?

I STARTED TO FEEL SHAME BECAUSE IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO DO HALF OF WHAT SHE IS DOING in just a few months.

I started to think there was something wrong with me. I started to feel that I was different and that I must have something wrong with me.

How is it that she is sharing her joyful moments already?

How is is that she is wearing makeup, having friends over and sharing food photos on instagram?

What just happened?!

I started to fall into the depths of judgement, comparison and anger — oh there was a lot of anger.

But then I became obsessed by what she was sharing. I wanted to know what else she was doing and how she was doing this all. I started to watch all her stories and I started to feel myself being taken over with anxious and sadness that comes with comparison and judgment.

I started to feel comfortable in this judgment and in the comparing as my inner dialogue and my mental health took a nosedive …. shifting away from my personal power.

I needed to have a real talk with myself.

What was going on?

I was getting addicted to the pain

the same pain I felt when Loey died.

The pain that I identified with

The pain that took over my life.

It’s not Chrissy’s fault. She is living her life with her children as best as she could and modelling that within grief there is love and joy to live.

LOVE and JOY to LIVE.

That’s what I need to take away from this !

That’s what I desire to be,

hence why I was obsessed with her Instagram and angry that she was able to find this where I was struggling.

Then, I saw a post of her smiling with her daughter and I said to myself …

My number one priority is my son

and I want to LIVE in LOVE and JOY so that I can hold space for his spirit and his wonderment as I hold space for my daughter.

So my trigger showed me that it wasn’t that I was feeling jealous, angry or upset about Chrissy getting back to some normalcy, it was showing me that I crave more LOVE and JOY in my life as a parent after loss.

I was only able to do this because I took time for myself

as a woman healing

and as a mother.

When we take care of ourselves and take moments of SERENITY throughout our day, we are able to create this awareness.

We are able to notice and lean into our BIG EMOTIONS and thus hold space for ourselves.

And it was because of this and my healing work, that I was able to move through these triggers, emotions and see what I really craved —

LOVE and JOY

Chrissy, like all of us is grieving in her unique way and as I was sitting in my triggered state and judging, I was able to lean in and see what was going on. I know we all grieve differently and every journey is unique and honestly there is no room for comparison or judgement, but again we are all human and I think it’s okay to feel and then to create awareness in the why and see what it’s there to tell you.

Motherhood — what a layered journey for so many of us.

I appreciate this space to be vulnerable and share.

written by me

jenn hepton 😘

A Conscious Motherhood™ | A Conscious Parenting + Life Coach and Pregnancy Awareness Educator + Advocate

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A Conscious Motherhood™

A Conscious Motherhood™

As a Hypnobreathwork® Certified Conscious Parenting Coach, I share insights from my own healing, learning and research about breaking generational trauma.