Why did she have to die …

As a mom mourning the loss of her little girl, I constantly look for reasons why. Because, as we yogis know – the universe is always telling you something – sending you a message, or as Gabby B says – ‘the universe has your back’ whatever the fuck that means. Okay, universe – why did I carry Loey for 39weeks, only to have to give birth to her dying body? Was I not meant to be a mom? Am I not on my authentic path? Have I not experienced enough pain or bad luck? Am I in the right relationship? Should I be living somewhere else? Should I be doing something else? A mind fuck ! I know !

At the moment – I’m here, alone in my husband’s car that he paid for, because I don’t have a job, because I’ve been bed rest and I should be a mom at home with her baby – thinking why am I here … I’m feeling incredibly lonely in this foreign city and craving the need to go home – to a place where I know – to a place of deep connections.

At least I get the privilege to look at this beautiful sunset – still a positive thought bubble – I am. ☺️

To all those who have lost – do the questions stop coming? Have you found peace? My heart goes to you – as you find your way through the ‘why’ storm. ❤